Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Posted at 4/11/2007 2:24:03 pm by
Jennifer Marie
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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Exerted from 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Chops"
cause it was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in to bed at night
And was always there to do it.
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And thats what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of it's new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in to bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.
Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about this girl
And that’s what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was all about
And he gave himself and A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.
-By: Steven Chbosky
Posted at 5/17/2005 8:46:37 pm by
Jennifer Marie
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Friday, April 01, 2005
Life, Liberty, And The Pursuit Of Sexual Encounters
Alright well i've had a shitty day. I didnt sleep well, i woke up and got ready for school. When i got on the bus Chantalle wasnt there so i just went to sleep. When i woke up my cell phone was ringing and i had to check my message. My mom called saying she was going to go flordia (which was planned but was put off cause of my psychotic sister) So i go through the day which wasnt too bad. I tried to give blood but my pulse was too high cause there was commotion around IE lights and people. And it made me anxious. Around 7th period i got a call on my cell phone, I couldnt answer it cause i was in school. I ran to bathroom so i can check the message and it was my mom calling saying they were turning around and coming home instead of going to florida. I guess my sister was calling bitching saying "mom if you dont come back i'm going to kill myself" My grandmother even went out looking for her. The other reason they turned around was because there was a problem with the camper. My sister is just being selfish. And she was. She's just seeing attention. I came home from school and went straight to sleep because i was exhausted. I have school tomorrow and then work. Then i think i am going to stay the weekend with Chantalle which will be very nice. Thats it bitches.
Posted at 4/1/2005 1:07:07 am by
Jennifer Marie
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Thursday, January 27, 2005
As I sit here with tears streaming
As I sit here with tears streaming down my face I realize things will never change. Since a child I thought my mom was my knight in shinning armor and that she’d protect me from everything and love me. As each tear goes from my eye down my cheek and continues down my chin I realize things. How she knew I was being abused yet she left me in that house with my sister. How whatever I do in my life will never satisfy her. It doesn’t matter. I was just a mistake. I am, the child who raised its self from nothing. Always wanting to be loved. She is not worth my tears but I can't help but cry. This feeling of disappointment knowing that neither parent cares, neither parents will see my greatness, neither parent will actually love me. I only have one heart which has been shattered so many times. Why is it that me, a person who is loved by many can't be loved by her own parents? Why is nothing I do good enough? Why do I continue to put up with this shit? When will it all end…
Posted at 1/27/2005 3:15:16 pm by
Jennifer Marie
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Saturday, January 22, 2005
Alright… yesterday was Chantalle’s birthday. I had to tell a couple of white lies so I could be able to sleep over there. I love her so much. I would wake up and just see her next to me sleeping, made me feel so calm. We watched south park and uhm… did other stuff? I got a call back from Blockbuster and I have to go for an interview on Monday. Right now we’re supposed to be having a blizzard. Which sucks. If it wasn’t snowing out I would have been able to stay at Chantalle’s longer. I did even get to hang out with her today. I woke up and checked my cell phone which I saw I had a message so I called my mom back and then she said that she’ll come to pick me up. Since it was pretty shitty out. So I only got to see her for maybe a half hour. Sigh. I wish my mom wasn’t such an ass about me sleeping there. It’s really no big deal. Sucks sucks sucks. But it is great being with Chantalle. I am so in love. That’s it for now. Laters.
Posted at 1/22/2005 9:16:13 pm by
Jennifer Marie
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Saturday, December 18, 2004
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Alright so I have another ear infection! What fucking fun, I hate it, this weekend is pretty boring. I was a couple days late with my period so Chantalle said to me that maybe she got me pregnant, when I got my period the other day I made sure to tell her that she’s not going to be a mommy. We’re so weird. We have a great relationship. Monday will be our two month anniversary. I finished up Christmas shopping. Chantalle’s present is awesome; I think she’ll love it. She says that she wants me to be her Christmas present... I guess I’m just that wonderful... ha ha. *Sarcasm* I am tired but I slept until 2 pm and I went to bed early last night, I guess I just need sleep cause I’m not feeling that well, I hate doing ear drops, they smell horrible. But I want my ear to get better it’s very hard to hear things. I really need to concentrate to listen to people. I took a math test on Friday and I think I did very well. It was all about equations, which I am great at! Well I’m great at anything, I’m just that accomplished. I am hoping to spend most of Christmas vacation with Chantalle; I don’t know what she thinks about that though. Her mom just got back from rehab from back surgery. I cleaned up my desk last night, it looks good. I added books to my bookshelf and just moved some things around. I still need to put my clothes away though. I don’t like putting away clothes; I don’t know why I just find the task unnecessary. I downloaded some more music the other day, its great! Although Chantalle will say I listen to horribly gay music but that’s okay, since I like it. On the bus, we sit together every day, I like to fuck around with her cd player and out of the blue just reach over and turn it off, or when she gets up to close the window I like to grab her in my arms cause I am just oh so sweet like that, Right now life is good with school and with my love, but at home it could be better. It’ll get better; I will be out on my own soon. I need a job and my license which should be easy enough to accomplish. That’s it for now! Laters!
Posted at 12/18/2004 4:42:49 pm by
Jennifer Marie
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Saturday, December 04, 2004
Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.
Alright well, lately I have been so tired. I have been falling asleep in some classes. I don’t know what is up with me. Thursday night I hung out with Chantalle. I had a lot of fun. I love being around her I can never get enough of that. I wish my mom wasn’t such an ass about sleeping there. I would love to be able to spend the night there but my mom says if I do that I’m going to get kicked out. It’s only a couple months until I finish school and then I will be out on my own. I was talking to my counselor the other day about going to college which she brought the subject up and I wasn’t really interested in talking about it. And she said she wants me to live in a dorm and I said I was planning on maybe getting an apartment with Chantalle and she was like I don’t want your living arrangements to depend on your relationship. This bothered me in a couple different ways. One she doesn’t know anything about the relationship. Two she is questioning something she knows nothing at all about. And three I was happy when I went into counseling and was in the shittest mood when I left. One thing my counselor doesn’t believe in is being Bisexual. So I’m thinking she is waiting for me to come into counseling one day and be like “oh this was all a phase”, which it isn’t at all. I don’t exactly know if I am Bi or Gay. Nor do I need to spend my time to think about it. All I know is I am in love. I know one thing about me is that sexually I can not see myself being with a man nor does it turn me on at all. I happy in my relationship and I don’t feel like I need to justify me being with Chantalle to my counselor. I am hoping I can hang out with Chantalle tomorrow. If I don’t I guess I am going to have to wait until Monday to see her. That’s it! Laters!
Posted at 12/4/2004 4:28:07 pm by
Jennifer Marie
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Friday, November 26, 2004
Had a good night and a good morning
I’m no longer an angel anymore… if you know what I mean. Went to Chantalle’s last night. It was a fun time. I love being with her, she is amazing. So I hung out there and I tried calling a cab just after four and the taxi place said that they had no drivers in. So we went and watch a movie until 6:40. And I called a cab and went home. I didn’t want to leave. I wish I could just sleep there, but my mom made up some gay rule saying I can't. She says it inappropriate. Pretty gay if you ask me. I had fun hanging out with her and I didn’t want to leave. I don’t think my mom knows I got in after 7, and I really don’t give a shit. I slept all day and am still tired. I’m waiting for my mom to get home from the airport and I am talking to Chantalle right now. I think that should be it for now. I got a couple markings on my neck... I think she marked her territory... he he. Later
Posted at 11/26/2004 10:20:57 pm by
Jennifer Marie
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Monday, November 22, 2004
My life in the past month or so
Alright well... as Lily wrote on the tag board it has been a month and a half. A lot has changed in my life and I have grown so much as a person. First off I came out to myself, family and friends that I am bi. I know for some that there maybe a slight thought that that is such an understatement of coming out to people. Most of my friends knew, my mom had no clue whatsoever and took her a month to accept it. She says she is now ready to meet my girlfriend. Being in a relationship is one of the best things that has happened to me. I’ve grown so much as a person in the last couple of months. I never really knew what happiness was before now. And I figured out what true love is. It’s not that cock-a-mammy bullshit that most people talk about. I feel it in my heart and soul. When I don’t see her for a day or even talk to her I feel like I am going crazy without her. She is on my mind so many times a day; if I tried to count I think I’d have to stop because the number would be so high. I learned that life is filled with misery but if you surround yourself with the right people you’ll be able to find some sunshine, a spark of happiness. I know that I have lived through a bunch of shitty times, but right now dealing with it is the only thing I can do. I need to stop repressing my feelings and start opening up to the world. Then everyone will see how wonderful of a person I am. The type of person you meet and know that you’ll never meet someone else like that. Even if I say that halfway not believing it in some ways its true. I am remarkable, I have lived through so much, and I have conquered all. I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a month now, and I feel like I’ve known her forever. I can see myself being with her forever too. It’s a wonderful feeling. I’ve been trying not to worry about dumb things lately. Like the relationship with my mom which is something I have no control over her behavior and I know now I just need to live on. I think that’s enough insight into my life right now, if I don’t stop here I’ll continue to go on and on. Ta Ta..
Posted at 11/22/2004 6:53:06 pm by
Jennifer Marie
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Saturday, October 09, 2004
All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion built upon sand.
Alright, well my mind has been racing about the one person. And of my god, my thoughts are amazing. School has been so so, my homeroom teacher has been very annoying to me. And I’ve been pissed at her most of the time, because she signs me up for shit that I don’t want to do. Besides my incidents with my homeroom teacher overall I have been feeling good. The crush that I wrote in the last entry is long gone, and I am having feelings for someone else, the person that I wrote about above. It’s amazing to actually feel this way about someone. I had Friday off and I slept all day, I really slept the whole day. It was quite wonderful. That should be it for now. Laters.
Posted at 10/9/2004 12:45:13 pm by
Jennifer Marie
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